Setting the new pace

I will never be the “rest is revolution” kind. I think that lacks the nuance that exists for most working people. I can certainly acknowledge and support the anti-capitalist philosophy behind it, but I know very few people who have the luxury of the kind of opting out implied by reframing rest as revolution. As a self employed person, there is no collective work stoppage that will improve conditions.

I have been forced to rest this week, against my will. I caught a bug that would normally set me back a day or two, and it has turned into nearly a week of inactivity. And as I was expressing my frustration about this to my husband who is out of town for work, I said something to the effect of “if I had my normal energy level, I would be able to keep functioning while I am sick and at least get a few things done.” But I don’t have my normal energy level. That battery has been at 3% for at least 3 months now.

It’s understandable. And it was unavoidable. In order to get from point A, 18 months ago, to point B, this moment in time, there was no choice but to push forward with every single bit of energy available. To burn the candle at both ends and then burn the stubs after that. To stretch ourselves so dangerously thin that it snapped back at this particular moment with all that stored potential energy.

I wondered aloud to a friend last week what a normal pace might be. Because normal redefined for me in June of 2022 when we closed on the purchase of this farm. At that point normal became very very abnormal. What are an appropriate number of things to accomplish in a day? What is a reasonable to-do list? What is an acceptable amount of stress to carry around? And how do I manage the inevitable slowing of a nearly 48 year old body? I think this week was possibly the equivalent of forcing my iphone to restart. All apps and operating systems are the same, but we start with a clear cache and maybe I can get the battery to start to charge again.

I don’t think there’s a moral here. It would feel trite. I think maybe there’s just an opportunity. To restart from a place closer to the center. To find rest inside the movement. To set the new pace.